I have very strong feelings when it comes to the subject of whether to fake it or not. Fake what? The Big O. Why do women fake orgasms? That’s the first question that begs asking… I surmise there are two reasons but if there are more, please let me know!
I think that the partner I’m with should work at it and if they fail, they should know they failed. I used to have people tell me “no one is responsible for your orgasm but yourself” and while that is true to a certain extent I feel that if there is another person involved they should be present and helpful. Otherwise why bother with someone else sexually? Why not just masturbate?
I’ve had people get angry at me saying that they cannot “give” me an orgasm, I have to. Again, I disagree. I have no doubt that a person can give another person an orgasm. I have been responsible for giving many orgasms to men. Why should it be different for women? Because it’s more difficult? Because for some men it’s illusive? Bah! Ask and do it.
Have I had sexually unfulfilling relationships? Yes but only one, my marriage that lasted far too long. My ex-husband was never interested in my orgasm, only his own. And he taught me well. He taught me never to settle again and I haven’t. I’ve been with partners, male and female who find as much pleasure in giving as they do in receiving. Some even more so – giving. Personally I love to give. When my partner is pleasured, I feel satiated and happy.
But if I was faking my orgasm I would be doing a disservice to my partner. They wouldn’t be getting the best parts of me. I would be guarded. I would be lying. It feels dirty to me. If I’m with a partner who doesn’t or can’t give me an orgasm I’ll show them how. If I’m with a partner who doesn’t care, like my ex-husband, I leave. In my opinion - if a woman doesn’t enjoy sex or can’t have an orgasm, she should tell her partner or stop having sex. There are women who enjoy sex but can’t orgasm, that’s fine. Orgasm is not the end all be all for women, though it can be amazingly wonderful. Some women and even most women sometimes, can get emotional fulfillment and/or great sexual pleasure without orgasming. It’s difficult for some men to understand this but I’ve explained it before. Sometimes I just don’t feel like having one. Rarely, but it happens. I hesitate to type “communication is the key” but it kind of is… If he or she is the right person for you, they will be open to discussion and understand your feelings.
During my late teenage years I was briefly employed as a phone sex operator. It wasn’t live phone sex, it was recorded. The name? Cherry Prep. The idea? A bunch of barely legal teen girls in an all girl prep school. The subjects? Losing virginity, sexual exploration and lesbianism. What was funny was that I had little to no experience in sex. I was no longer a virgin, just barely. I knew nothing about my body and was afraid of trying new things. The only female I’d ever been with (at that time) was Sharon Brown, my first kiss in second grade.
Basically I knew nothing and it showed. Sitting in a recording studio week after week behind a microphone and reading a script was the easy part. The character I played was a lesbian and I would record the scripts with another girl.
I was an actor in college getting my degree in theater so I could pull most of it off. I had a high squeaky voice and an innocence that couldn’t be hidden.
The producers, an older married couple, who were self proclaimed perverts, loved me. They loved my naïveté and as I came to learn later, they were sexually attracted to me.
The one thing that I could not do and never was able to do was fake an orgasm, on mic or off. And since I have so much to say on that particular subject I will devote another blog article to it.
I was so bad at faking an orgasm on mic that the producers and other actress would laugh, which is not the ideal reaction when you’re trying to get strangers off.
My co-actor/actress was always kind and as helpful as she could be and although I eventually came to the conclusion, years and years later that I am bisexual, at that time I had no idea.
I never got turned on reading the scripts which, in retrospect makes me think they probably weren’t very good. But for a long while I had a lot of fun.
One day the husband/male producer duct taped me to a chair, flipped it over so I was on my back and rubbed my pussy through my underwear. I was not attracted to him and that single act made me rethink what I was doing and stop. It was aggressive and also known as sexual assault.
I bring that up not to put a negative spin on the experience or to claim I was a victim. I bring it up because all of these years later it’s interesting to look at in terms of goal, motivation and conflict which is something I’m trying to see in every situation.
My goal was to make money doing something fun. My motivation was to move out of the dorms. My conflict was the couple who ran the show, quite literally.
Their goal was twofold. Earning a living and to sleep with me as well as their other actors. Their motivation was driven by the need to pay their bills and their need for sexual conquest, not sexual satisfaction. The husband was a molester. Their conflict was bridging the gap between personal and professional conduct. In the end we all lost.
And now, all these years later, I get to put the feather in my cap that “once when I was 18, I did phone sex”.
“Psychopathic [killers] view their innocent victims as inhuman objects to be tormented and violated for their amusement.” Scott A. Bonn P.hD. ~ How is this any different from how Brock Turner viewed his victim?
As promised – a blog about sex isn’t always sexy. Here is a look into the dark side. A rapist named Brock Allen Turner who will be set free on society to rape again and again and again. What can I say that hasn’t already been said?
What happened to the victim is irreprehensible and although she got justice through the outpouring of the masses, she is not getting justice from our court system. What a sick world we live in when a seventy six year old man gets life in prison for growing some marijuana plants in his back yard and a rapist gets three months for committing atrocities and violence against an innocent woman.
I need to point out that throughout this woman’s ordeal Rapist Brock Allen Turner has shown NO REMORSE!!!! This is classic psychopathic behavior yet no one has even mentioned this. Not only does he show zero remorse, he won’t admit he did anything wrong apart from drinking alcohol. He has exhibited zero empathy towards his victim and what he did to her!!! This needs to be discussed. He should be required to undergo severe psychiatric evaluation. There are so many things wrong here.
It’s beyond horrible that any woman gets raped, that there is any violence committed against women, that the rapist goes free with a mere “slap on the wrist”. He doesn’t even have to own up to what he did. He doesn’t have to look at it or address it. He feels victimized because he lost out on a swimming career. HE SHOULD LOSE EVERYTHING – just like the victim has. He should not be allowed to walk among us exhibiting psychopathic behavior. As long as Rapist Brock Allen Turner and other men like him are free in our society, your daughters, friends, mothers and sisters are not safe.
Psychology Today defines the difference between sociopaths and psychopaths even though the general public often use the words interchangeably. After reading this article it looks like Brock is a psychopath. Psychology Today’s writer Scott A Bonn, P.hD. says: “Psychopathy is the most dangerous of all antisocial personality disorders because of the way psychopaths dissociate emotionally from their actions, regardless of how terrible those actions may be.”
There are millions of men who are kind, good, loving and compassionate. Brock Allen Turner IS NOT ONE OF THOSE MEN (and neither is his father)! They should be on their knees begging the victim for her forgiveness and the fact that they’re not is a clear indication that there is something psychologically wrong with them. Zero empathy = a personality disorder. Whatever the cause, the cure is imprisonment and rehabilitation. Perhaps even psychiatric medication. Why is this not even being addressed?
Please share this on your social media platforms!
Further recommended reading:
The Victim’s Powerful Letter
An Article About the Heros
I chose to start blogging about sex not to be risqué or go against social norms, there is plenty of sex writing dedicated to that.
I decided to blog about sex because I realized I have something to say. But what I have to say isn’t always going to be sexy. Sex has different meanings for everyone. The subject of sex comes with trappings. The bottom line is that sex can be sexy and/or sex can be ugly.
It’s colored by emotions associated to experiences. Some people, at different times in their lives, may seek sex for longing and excitement. Or someone may use sex for acceptance and connection. There are sexual predators. There’s simple sex and complicated sex. Hidden sex that’s not talked about, and sex out in the open, in our faces. There is shame around sex. There is sex for love and the love of sex. It’s such a rich topic with so many variations.
At first I thought “I’ll write about sex only as it pertains to being sexy” and I wrote my first blog post. After all, the idea of a hot eighteen year old girl as a phone sex operator is sexy. But that chapter of my life wasn’t sexy for me, meaning I didn’t embark on that “career” because I was a free spirit or because I was horny or even because I was open minded about sex. And it didn’t end well.
I had to look at GMC (goal, motivation and conflict) for both myself and for the people who ran that business. Do I want to sugar coat my blog entries and make them sexy or do I want to tell the truth even if the truth isn’t always hot?
My novels are sexy because they stem from fantasy. If I’m going to blog about my real life why should I spin it or hold back? Life doesn’t always have an HEA (happily ever after) and it’s not usually tied up with a pretty little bow.
I encourage you to read my entries and see if they resonate with you. I write to entertain but mostly I write because if my experiences, thoughts, desires, feelings can help even one person – it’s all worth-while. So here come my musings in a non-chronological order.