Tinder as Research - Really ;)
I went on Tinder, not for research but it's turned out to be perfect for that. For those of you who don't know what Tinder is - it's a phone dating app that may or may not be based on that old misogynistic "hot or not" rating site. Tinder on the other hand is for both sexes and it connects you with the men (or women) you deem "hot" (or smart or interesting, or in my case humorous as that's very important to me). You see a photo or a series of photos, you can set your preferences for age range and distance only. They can write a 500 character profile but most don't. Then if you like the person you swipe right and if you don't, you swipe left. If they have swiped right on you, you "match" and can then text/im one another through the Tinder app in real time.
Of course the first burning question readers may (and should) have is: "Was I successful?" Not the first time (in which I gave it one month) but the second time (in also one month) YES! I was about to delete it when Mr. Right and I matched and he made the first move. I also have several friends who are in LTRs d/t Tinder.
The first time I was on I wasn't serious and I had oodles of fun (and I don't mean "just" the physical kind).
As an erotica author - I must write about my two "purely research" projects ala Tinder.
I matched with one man who claimed to be a lifestyle BDSM submissive. And since that's what my currently novel is about I swiped right. After a brief tête-à-tête he asked me what the "kinkiest thing I've ever done was" to which I responded "that's subjective, what about you?" He replied "Scat!!!" I am not one to judge but that's not for me so I responded with "Not for me, hard limit." His response = :( My next response: "But I've always wanted to find a willing sub to play pierce." And his final quick reply... "I am NOT into blood!" and he then immediately deleted me. I am still laughing about this. Blood is gross but rub me up and down with poop, oh yeah! Huh? I loved it so much this will definitely make it into one of my novels!
The other fun incident was when I matched with a guy and during our conversation I asked him "so what's up with guys sending dick pics"? (An aside: this is my absolute favorite hysterical: "Dick Pics Guide") and he responded with whatever his thoughts were... though my friend DZ had a much more impressive and I believe "true" reason. Tinder guy stated that men are insecure about their members and thus want approval from women. DZ suggests that they are doing it for themselves, not the women and the idea that a woman may be looking at their privates is a sexual thrill. He states that men perhaps think women view it the same way as when men look at or receive pics of boobs and female nether-regions. I explained to TMan that a disembodied male part is not the same for women without the context of the male attached to it. "Once we really like you, we're bound to really like your C@C%" I explained. TMan went on to tell me he would never do such a thing but he would masturbate for me over skype. Wanting to see if he would indeed do the deed I agreed but only if my girlfriend, who was over at the time, could watch too. "Two are better than one," He lit up. Within minutes he was face-timing me and sure enough.... he unabashedly performed the J-Off with us watching (and trying really hard not to giggle). I didn't want to laugh "at him" I wanted to laugh at the whole scenario. His nickname is J-OffMan now.
Afterwards he actually wanted to date me???!!! Huh? That part I'm still unsure about. And even this overly sexual erotica author had to decline.
The Crazy World of Blogging
I chose to start blogging about sex not to be risqué or go against social norms, there is plenty of sex writing dedicated to that.
I decided to blog about sex because I realized I have something to say. But what I have to say isn’t always going to be sexy. Sex has different meanings for everyone. The subject of sex comes with trappings. The bottom line is that sex can be sexy and/or sex can be ugly.
It’s colored by emotions associated to experiences. Some people, at different times in their lives, may seek sex for longing and excitement. Or someone may use sex for acceptance and connection. There are sexual predators. There’s simple sex and complicated sex. Hidden sex that’s not talked about, and sex out in the open, in our faces. There is shame around sex. There is sex for love and the love of sex. It’s such a rich topic with so many variations.
At first I thought “I’ll write about sex only as it pertains to being sexy” and I wrote my first blog post. After all, the idea of a hot eighteen year old girl as a phone sex operator is sexy. But that chapter of my life wasn’t sexy for me, meaning I didn’t embark on that “career” because I was a free spirit or because I was horny or even because I was open minded about sex. And it didn’t end well.
I had to look at GMC (goal, motivation and conflict) for both myself and for the people who ran that business. Do I want to sugar coat my blog entries and make them sexy or do I want to tell the truth even if the truth isn’t always hot?
My novels are sexy because they stem from fantasy. If I’m going to blog about my real life why should I spin it or hold back? Life doesn’t always have an HEA (happily ever after) and it’s not usually tied up with a pretty little bow.
I encourage you to read my entries and see if they resonate with you. I write to entertain but mostly I write because if my experiences, thoughts, desires, feelings can help even one person – it’s all worth-while. So here come my musings in a non-chronological order.