Today I want to talk about where I am currently. I started this particular journey with three lovers. After one was disrespectful things began to change for me.

I set up the dynamics and though I wasn’t surprised to get exactly what I asked for, after a couple of months my interest has waned. I asked for, and got no emotional attachments and experiences only. I have found this comes in several flavors. I had one lover that was clear it was only about sex. I no longer see him. I had another that was clear that sex was important but friendship and spending time together was also important. We remain friends. And the third, the male half of “my couple” is clear that it’s about sex but he’s extremely respectful in every way. From the way he talks to me, to the way he treats me to the way he interacts with me around other people.

And yet I started to feel used by the remaining two. Not that there’s anything wrong with that at all. I was doing plenty of using too but the amount of male-ness became overwhelming. I couldn’t be with one guy in the morning and a different one at night. I did that plenty a few years ago but this time it quickly stopped being fun. I told them both that I was taking a break for December and that my you know what was closed. They have both been understanding and supportive.

In the meantime and the reason I haven’t written in a few weeks is that I had a dark night of the soul, an existential crises. I wanted more than sex and purely sexual experiences. I took a few weeks off and spent a lot of time alone. I journaled, gathered my thoughts and then spent time talking to non-judgmental friends that I trust. Last week I finally started to feel like myself again and around that time, I reached out to an ex.

Ten years ago I had an amazing relationship. We spent six to seven years together, off and on. He stretched my limits and transformed my mind. I realize now that he affected me far more than I affected him and that’s okay. This person was in the kinky lifestyle and it was my first experience. Part of me loved it. But the significance wasn’t that. The significance was that this guy was the nicest person I’d ever been with. Kind, respectful, non-judgmental, beautiful inside and out. And he's so much fun!

When our relationship ended I asked him not to contact me again and he respected my wishes and never did. Not once. But I never forgot our time together and always considered our story “unfinished”. A few years ago I wrote a book about our story, but I never published it.

I spent the last ten years jumping in and out of BDSM, D/s, kink, the kink community, non-monogamy, and polyamory.

A recent set of experiences caused me reach out to this person. I'm not entirely sure what my original intention was but I never stopped thinking about him (fondly) and I wanted to reconnect. To my delight, he responded, telling me he had ended a long term relationship, close to a year ago. I asked to see him, wanting to see if we were still attracted to each other. I am trying not to have an agenda. This man could just be an incredible friend, we always got along so well. I already know how good of a lover he is...

Since the original time of this writing, we have met and decided to continue our story by starting a new chapter. It’s far too early to tell much of anything but we’re giving it a few months to see what will come of it. 

But don't worry, you’ll still get regular releases about the orgies and sexy parties I have attended. I may be taking a break for the holidays but my exploration is far from over.

Episode 1 = the why
​Episode 2 = the how
Episode 3 = orgy 1, part 1
Episode 4 = orgy 1, part 2
Episode 5 = the swinger's club
​Episode 6 = good, bad and ugly

The Journey of Rain Star© - Written, Produced and Edited By Chloe Adler
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I’ve been out of town for two weeks and though I’m anxious and excited to share Orgy #2, something happened the other night that I’d like to talk about in this blog post.

I have/had 3 regular play partners. I call them Number 1, 2 and 3 in order of who I met first, second and you get the picture. There’s no question that number 2 is my favorite. He’s intelligent, polite and most of all respectful. He treats me well, really well. He compliments me and is always happy to see me, thanking me, genuinely for my time. He also makes the effort to come see me, as does #3, which is pretty important to me.

Number two is also Player X and thus I meet him and his wife at play parties and travel for that. Number three lives quite far away. Number 1 lives in San Francisco and doesn’t have a car. That’s fine and normal for city living. I had a car when I lived there but that’s certainly not the norm.

When I went to the swinger's club with #1 I could have met him there but he asked me to pick him and the other girl up. This took me an extra hour of time. The club was 30 minutes from my house and I drove another 30 to his house and then I drove 30 minutes back to the club. In retrospect I should have asked them to meet me there. I also paid for myself to get into the club. The other girl didn’t pay anything but I offered and #1 happily took my money.

I mention this not because I feel every man should pay for me but… he invited me, I drove a total of 2 hours that night, including picking him and the other girl up and taking them there so none of it felt even, or right.

Cut to this past friday. About a week ago, he asked me if I would go to another sex party with him. I was out of town and told him I wouldn’t be in town for Thanksgiving. He said the party was Friday night and I agreed. I shouldn’t have agreed to go, that much is clear to me now. I had a very hard work and travel week that culminated in a 4 hour drive home on Friday.

Half-way home, in the pouring rain, I wasn’t feeling well and pulled over to sleep. I got home late on Friday and was far too sick to go to the party.

I hadn’t purchased my ticket yet. Yes I had to pay for myself. I texted him apologizing profusely and telling him I was too sick to go. Now what response would you expect? “I’m so sorry you’re sick, I hope you feel better. Is there anything I can do.” Or at the very least, “I’m sorry you’re sick. I’m disappointed you can’t go tonight but I understand.”

Nope - I got a text saying he had put out a lot of capital to make the night happen. Capital? What kind of capital? I had to buy my own $60 ticket. He never asked me how I was or offered one ounce of sympathy or empathy. As a matter of fact, I haven’t heard a word from him since, thankfully because that guy has moved to number ZERO.

The reason I’m blogging about this is because any kind of relationship, even a superficial one, can be fraught with problems. Everything in life isn’t fun, games and sexy. Sometimes people are just jerks.

I can be hard on myself and say I should have known better because I should have. The way he treated me the last time I saw him was not okay. I’m not a chauffeur. But I agreed to do it and thus I have no one else to blame. I must say though, I absolutely can afford to be picky. I can afford to demand that I'm treated well. I can afford to say no and goodbye and f-off.

On that note - Goodbye number 0 and good riddance!

Episode 1 = the why
​Episode 2 = the how
Episode 3 = orgy 1, part 1
Episode 4 = orgy 1, part 2
Episode 5 = the swinger's club
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The Journey of Rain Star© - Written, Produced and Edited By Chloe Adler

I went to a lifestyle swingers/sex club with one of my partners, I’ll call him Daniel. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to participate but I wanted to see what it was about. As I was leaving my house he texted me asking if he could bring another girl along and I figured, the more the merrier. I’ll call her Katie.

I picked them up and drove them to the club. Daniel goes to this particular club regularly and when we met a few months ago I had expressed interest.

Katie is a girl he had only met in person that very night. They’d connected online and though she was game about going with us, it was pretty obvious this was not her scene.

The club’s main room sports a dance floor and a bar with water and finger food. We got there early and couples lounged together on couches. After a bit, people started to dance. There were two stripper poles and porn playing on a screen on the wall. Techno beats lit up the place, far too loud for comfort. A woman patron danced on the stripper pole while another tried. And as the night continued the owners raised the music to a painful level, forcing people into the back rooms.
Daniel led us there after my ears bled. First remove clothing and put it in a locker. Then don a towel. No-one clothed is allowed into the back. Two large rooms fill the back space with couches lining the walls. The entire floor of each room is a bed. It reminded me of a room I saw once in the playboy mansion except here there was distressing porn playing on the walls.

Katie, Daniel and I sat on a couch and talked. Couples entered the room/s, got naked and went at it. As time went on there was almost no space on the floors, just naked bodies engaged in their experiences.

There weren’t many threesomes, foursomes and moresomes. There wasn’t any BDSM. What it seemed to be was a lot of monagamous vanilla couples whose kinks were exhbitionism and voyeurism. Almost all the women engaged in their experiences had their eyes closed. Almost all the men, engaged in their experiences, were looking around. When one guy was invited, by a girl’s partner, to spank the girl next to him—his girlfriend opened her eyes, saw and got angry, telling him to stop. When another man tried to touch this same girl she told him not to. I appreciate that she knows what she wants and that consensual sex, touching, and everything in between is a must but… you’re at a sex club, having sex in between two other couples having sex. I don’t think anyone should compromise but I do think that maybe, if that kind of thing bothers you, you should have those conversations with your partner before you get naked in public.

Daniel, Katie and I kept our towels on and watched. Katie spoke openly of how sexual she was and how much she loved sex but she did not want to engage there at all. I get that and I respect it. Talking to her was interesting and I enjoyed it but in the end, it was a night of babysitting for both me and Daniel.

The porn on the walls was quite disturbing. It portrayed women behind walls with only their legs and private business showing. Men either screwed these headless, bodiless women or licked them. It was beyond objectification. These women didn’t even seem to exist except to please men with their groins. It was anything but sexy.

Some of the things I saw and liked:
Next to me on the couch were two couples. One man in the middle of two girls used a hand to pleasure each one at the same time. When they questioned him he said “What? I have two hands, I may as well use them.”

One of the girls eventually got up to make out with another woman on a couch across the way. There were two men with that woman and they both stood aside wearing smiles.

Overall—I’m glad I went, it was another interesting experience. I may try again without babysitting but I have found (in my limited experience) that I enjoy the orgies and another sex club that I used to go to and re-frequented this Halloween better.
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But I could definitely see if I were in a vanilla mono relationship and wanted to spice things up, this sex club in particular could do just that.

Episode 1 = the why
​Episode 2 = the how
Episode 3 = orgy 1, part 1
Episode 4 = orgy 1, part 2

The Journey of Rain Star© - Written, Produced and Edited By Chloe Adler

Click here if you haven't read Episode 3 - Orgy #1, Part 1

One of the funnest (sexual) moments for me was when Player X was busy pleasing me, and his wife was busy pleasing him.

The entire sexcapade was satisfying in so many ways. I learned a lot about the human psyche, how strangers play together, none of these couples had ever been together before, and how easy it is to go with the flow.

The women, for the most part, smiled and enjoyed themselves. There was a slight question about couple #3 IMO. The husband was very into it but his wife seemed to be doing it to please him. I figured I’d run across this at some point but it definitely makes things less comfortable. I did what I could to set her at ease even though that wasn’t “my job”. And I liked her very much, even identified with her.

After the sexytimes were over, we lay in each other’s arms and talked. The conversation was philosophical and deep and quickly rose to become one of my most favorite parts of the evening.
Couple 3 explained that he had told his wife earlier that whatever they experienced at this tryst, they would be different people tomorrow. That whatever they were going to learn about themselves would fundamentally deepen and change who they were as people, whether the night’s experience was good or bad. He truly believed that either way, they would be better people because of it.

I love that! That’s what I believe too, boiled down to it’s core, it’s essence, the very seed of being.
Sharing an intimate moment with one, two, three, four, five or six people is a deeply spiritual, mind altering experience.

Also, the simplicity of it. You arrive, you get naked, you touch, you kiss, you caress, you enjoy, you dress and you leave—each going your separate ways. Back to your homes, your lives and in all of their cases, their kids.

These people are doctors, lawyers, professionals of all shapes and sizes who get to shed that outer persona and explore their deepest desires and hidden pleasures.

I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. I’ve never been privy to anything so meaningful in a group setting. I’ve never had an adventure that I thought would be purely physical to discover it was so much more than that. They physical was stripped away and what was revealed were the layers upon layers of the mind. It’s capacity to care for more than one person, to experience more than one connection and to accept multiple inputs of stimulation.
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After all, they say the brain is our biggest sex organ, and that, in a nutshell is what I discovered at my first orgy!


**Stay tuned next week for Rain's experience at a swingers club. After that you'll glimpse Rain's second Orgy (4 couples and me) and then her experience at a sex club. When Rain tires of exploring she will blog/write about her true life past experience of being a lifestyle Dominatrix. Because really everyone... the fun is just beginning here!

Episode 1 = the why.
​Episode 2 = the how.
Episode 3 = orgy 1, part 1.

The Journey of Rain Star© - Written, Produced and Edited By Chloe Adler

Three Couples and ME = Rain Star! Oh my! --- by Chloe Adler

Sure, sure, it was on my bucket list but I never thought it’d happen. When I first met the male half of Couple X, I was more than surprised that he invited me to join him and two other couples in a hotel room.
I’d never met him or his wife in person (only online) and I was very nervous but the minute I arrived, they put me at ease. The other couples were already there, lounging on a bed talking. For about twenty minutes we chatted and then Couple X suggested we all get naked. That’ll level a playing field, fast! He led me over to his wife who is absolutely gorgeous and we kissed and caressed.

The point of this blog/story is not to go into details of the tryst, you’ve all got porn for that. I don’t need to talk about whose head went where, whose mouth attached to what body part or where the man on left’s leg ended up. But who knows, I may eventually end up going there too…
For now, I want to focus on the experience, the excitement and what surprised me. Sure there was sex, that’s what happens when seven people get naked in a hotel room but for Rain Star it wasn’t about the sex. It’s strange to say that and I acknowledge how strange it is, but it’s true. I found myself watching more than participating and as I tend to do with most everything, I intellectualized it. I watched for patterns over positions and the way each couple treated their mate.
I talked to them. During sex and after.

Two of the couples were all in. Couples X and Y have been married for 14+ years. Couple Y met in college and the husband told me that when he started dating his wife, even though he’d never been a swinger, it was what he wanted. When he asked her about it, she admitted to being an experienced swinger. They were a perfect match from the start. Their journey is now changing. He has discovered a recent interest in men and now considers himself bisexual, surprised that he’s fully attracted to men when he never was before.

Couple X, my couple, have been “swinging” for less than a year. They found themselves at a standstill in their marriage but were still very much in love. They went to couples therapy and talked about opening up their relationship. It’s called ethical non-monogamy which means they have sex with other people either alone or together and but not without the other partner’s consent. They started swinging together and now they have separate dates as well but these dates are for sex, not to foster life partners — they already have life partners, each other! Player X has explained to me that it works because neither of them are jealous people, they want the other person to be happy. He doesn’t even understand jealousy, he said “if someone is secure in themselves, their partner and their relationship, there’s no reason to be jealous” and I couldn’t agree more. For me, jealousy is a major turn off. I didn’t always feel this way. When I was younger, I was extremely insecure. I was jealous of the door knob. But it’s been many years since I’ve felt that green eyed monster and what a freeing place it is! I look back on the young Rain and tsk over the lost experiences and jealousy that held me back, so happy to have shed that skin.

My own journey is leading me down some interesting and fun corridors… Stay tuned next week for Orgy #1, Part 2.

Episode 1 = the why.
​Episode 2 = the how.

The Journey of Rain Star© - Written, Produced and Edited By Chloe Adler
​

If you haven't read Episode 1 yet - you can find it here.

​Episode 2 - By Chloe Adler

​Before diving back into singledom I asked myself the all important question: What do you want right now? Not in the future, not for forever… but right this second. And my first answer was: experiences. All kinds of experiences. Sexual and otherwise. Relationships with no jealousy, no ownership and no messy emotions.

The two things I knew that I did NOT want, I quickly relayed to potential lovers. I am not interested in processing anything - not their issues or mine. I’m not interested in listening to anyone complain about anything banal, especially if there’s not solution, like how bad the traffic is. And please, do not bemoan your life to me. My last relationship destroyed all patience relating to such subject matters. If people need to complain they can do so to their significant other, friends who don’t mind or a trained professional. But not to Rain Star. Communication about likes and dislikes, safe sex and the like is great but do not try and process your feelings with me. Do not text me incessantly. Do not ask me how my day was. My friends were surprised at how many people were okay with my boundaries, I was not.
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In a society where many people are looking for a significant other they can siamese twin with, I think there’s a large percentage who are not. There are people who have already built in that type of healthy support group. Others with whom they have a give and take where emotional processing is concerned. I want something different. I already have a processing tribe and I’m not looking to add more people to it.

I always labeled myself as bisexual but I’m actually pansexual. I don’t care if a person is male, female, non-binary/agender, trans, cis, queer or genderqueer. A person’s gender or lack thereof has nothing to do with my attraction to them.

I had also labeled myself as poly but have recently found out that I am non-monogamous, which takes many forms. My current choice is not developing an emotional attachment (such as becoming someone’s poly primary or secondary and abiding by all the rules/emotions/processing that may go along with that). I’m interested in having fun aka experiences with people that respect me and visa versa. Another term bandied around is — ethical slut. But the word slut has far too many shameful connotations, doesn’t it?

One of my fantasies has always been to be a couple’s third so that’s where I began my journey. I’ve had threesomes before but they were more like one-night stands. This time around I’m looking for something ongoing with the same couple. I found several dating apps and sites for couples looking for a unicorn and promoted myself as such. This is how I met Couple X. I also met quite a few single men looking to bang but after interviewing several I picked two to three, and stopped taking applications. There is no lack of single men looking to screw.

Two of the “single” men have a myriad of different play partners, some of whom I have met and others whom I have not. What they all have in common is their desire to experiment and experience without the strappings of a conventional relationship. This smorgasbord is currently, filling all my needs. I can accept a date or not and no one pressures me, guilts me or gets butthurt. The “single” partners have girl #2, 3, 4, and 5 to call when I’m not available. Couple X has couple A, B or C to call. For Rain Star, this is a dream come true.

In episode 1 I mentioned introducing Couple X in this episode but I’m keeping these to 500 (or so) words and needed to explain the set up and what I was looking for so stay tuned for next week’s episode - Orgy 1, Part 1.
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Episode 1 = the why.
​Episode 2 = the how.

The Journey of Rain Star© - Written, Produced and Edited By Chloe Adler